5 Signs You Have Relationship Anxiety (And How to Overcome It)
It was about six years ago.
I was with someone I deeply cared about, someone I could picture building a life with. On paper, everything looked great. But inside, I felt anything but secure.
I was terrified of making the wrong decision—of settling, of choosing the wrong person, of waking up one day realizing I had committed to the wrong relationship.
This fear led me into a frustrating push-pull dynamic. I craved closeness, but the moment things got too emotionally intimate, I would find myself pulling away, retreating into my thoughts, questioning everything. I avoided investing fully in the relationship because if I didn’t go all in, I couldn’t get hurt. But at the same time, I felt disconnected and longed for a deeper emotional bond.
It wasn’t until I learned about relationship anxiety that everything finally made sense.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Relationship anxiety is more common than you think. Below, I’ve broken down five key signs of relationship anxiety and, more importantly, how you can begin to shift these patterns.
1) Overthinking Every Little Detail
Relationship anxiety often shows up as relentless overthinking. You analyze everything:
- Why did they text me “okay” instead of “okay!”?
- They didn’t say “I love you” before bed last night… are their feelings changing?
- They’re quieter than usual today—did I do something wrong?
Your mind is constantly scanning for problems, interpreting neutral situations as potential threats to the relationship. These anxious thoughts don’t just stay in your head—they create emotional turmoil, causing you to act in ways that may push your partner away.
How to shift it:
- Notice when you’re spiraling into overanalysis and pause.
- Ask yourself: Is this thought based on fact or fear?
- Ground yourself in reality by communicating with your partner instead of assuming the worst.
2) Constant Worry About the Future of the Relationship
You might find yourself stuck in an ongoing mental debate:
- What if this isn’t the right relationship for me?
- What if I’m missing out on someone better?
- What if they wake up one day and decide they don’t love me anymore?
This kind of worry keeps you from being present in your relationship. Instead of enjoying the connection you have, your focus is on an imagined future disaster.
How to shift it:
- Recognize that no relationship comes with a 100% guarantee. Love requires trust and vulnerability.
- Bring yourself back to the present moment. *Is your partner showing up for you today?*
- Journal about your fears and notice any repeating patterns that stem from past wounds.
3) Avoidance of Deep Emotional Intimacy
This one can be tricky because it often disguises itself as independence. You might pride yourself on being self-sufficient, but deep down, intimacy feels risky.
You might:
- Keep your partner at arm’s length emotionally.
- Struggle to fully open up about your feelings, even when you want to.
- Find ways to avoid vulnerable conversations, like changing the subject or withdrawing.
At the core of this pattern is fear—fear of being hurt, rejected, or abandoned.
How to shift it:
- Start small. Share something personal and allow your partner to hold space for you.
- Remind yourself that emotional closeness is not weakness—it’s the foundation of a fulfilling relationship.
- If deep intimacy feels overwhelming, working with a coach or therapist can help you build trust in a safe way.
4) Setting Unrealistically High Standards
While having standards in a relationship is healthy, relationship anxiety can make you hyper-focused on perfection.
You might:
- Expect your partner to meet an impossible list of criteria.
- Feel dissatisfied because your relationship doesn’t match the idealized version in your head.
- Experience doubts about your partner over minor flaws or mistakes.
This often comes from a subconscious desire to control the outcome of your relationship—because if your partner is “perfect,” then maybe you can guarantee a happy ending.
How to shift it:
- Ask yourself: Are my expectations realistic?
- Focus on the qualities that truly matter—trust, emotional support, respect—instead of superficial or minor details.
- Recognize that love is about growth and connection, not perfection.
5) Feeling Overwhelmed and Emotionally Drained
Relationship anxiety isn’t just something you think about sometimes—it can take over your entire emotional world.
- You feel exhausted from constantly questioning and analyzing.
- Your worries about the relationship consume most of your conversations with friends.
- You struggle to focus on work or other aspects of your life because your mind is preoccupied with your relationship fears.
How to shift it:
- Prioritize self-care. Anxiety thrives when we’re exhausted and emotionally depleted.
- Create space for joy outside of your relationship—friendships, hobbies, movement.
- Remember that your relationship should add to your life, not drain it.
Healing Relationship Anxiety: Where to Start
If you resonate with these signs, know this: you are not broken, and you are not alone. Relationship anxiety often stems from past experiences—childhood attachment wounds, past heartbreak, betrayal—that have wired your nervous system to fear closeness.
The good news? You can rewire these patterns.
Here’s where to start:
✅ Become aware of your triggers. Notice the thoughts and behaviors that stem from fear rather than love.
✅ Learn to regulate your nervous system. Breathwork, mindfulness, and nervous system regulation practices help shift anxiety from your body.
✅ Communicate with your partner. Expressing your fears in a healthy way creates intimacy rather than distance.
✅ Seek support. Healing relationship anxiety is deep inner work, and you don’t have to do it alone.
This is exactly why I created Radiant Relationship Academy—a mentorship program designed to help you break free from anxiety, build emotional security, and experience a fulfilling, peaceful relationship.
If you’re ready to shift out of relationship anxiety and step into deep, connected love, join the waitlist here: Radiant Relationship Academy.
Your dream relationship is possible. It all starts with you.
