7 Ways Hyper-Independent Women Show Up in Relationships

After going through my divorce, I developed an unhelpful belief that I couldn’t rely on or trust others.

I became an independent bad b*tch as a way to protect myself —

I believed that if I could manage everything on my own, suppress my emotions, and avoid needing others, I could shield myself and avoid getting hurt. ⁣⁣

What I soon realized was that I was actually harming myself more because this “strategy” doesn’t allow for intimacyand connection, which is what I deeply desired.

Signs of Hyper-Independence in Women

Recognizing the signs of how the "hyper-independent" woman show up in relationships can shed light on this dynamic:

⓵ Giving a lot more than receiving and eventually feeling resentful.

⓶ Attracts under-functioning or passive partners

⓷ Tries to prove her worth through how much she accomplishes

⓸ Feels like she has to choose between love + success

⓹ Does not feel supported in her relationship

⓺ Struggles to trust men or her partner

⓻ Finds all the reasons why this relationship won’t work out

These qualities of the hyper-independent woman push men away.

In an attempt to overcompensate, we unintentionally deter men from embracing their masculine side.

You may even finds words such as femininity, surrender, vulnerability triggering, because you feel they are associated with weakness…

I know I did.

Now, it's time to discover how to transform these behaviors so that you can trust men and feel at peace in a relationship.

The reasons behind Hyper-Independence

First, it’s important to understand why these patterns are happening, what’s underneath them & driving them.

Hyper-independence is rooted in a lack of trust.

“I’ll do it all myself” is often a learned response rooted in disappointment, betrayal or abandonment.

You’ve been taught by your past experiences, that you can’t rely on others.

Therefore, if you rely soley on yourself, you can avoid pain disappointment and heartbreak.

When in reality, you end up doing more harm than good by closing yourself off to intimacy and connection.

👉🏼 This is simply a way to avoid being vulnerable and opening your heart, which is an avoidance of feeling certain emotions — and you do that because you don’t have the capacity to deeply trust yourself.

What to do instead

Here’s what you do about it:

⓵ Practice trusting yourself & others — learn that it’s okay to let your guard down

⓶ The key is to start asking for support and allowing yourself to receive support — you are more willing to do this when you first start with learning to trust others. Start small: “I’d really love support with the dishes tonight, could you help me with that?” or “I’d love to talk through what’s going on, I’m feeling emotional and it’d be nice to share with you how I’m feeling.”

⓷ Notice when you are doing things to receive external validation & work towards validating yourself instead

⓸ Build comfortability in your feminine energy

If you’re ready to dive into this work together, here are the current opportunities to work together:

Radiant Relationship Academy — group mentorship program that supports you in overcoming your patterns & experiencing fulfilling love. Join the waitlist for an extended payment plan when enrollment opens.

1:1 Private Coaching — intimate space where you and I will dive into your inner world and support you in courageously showing up to love. Fill out the application and I’ll be in touch.