Are you in a Situationship?
Does this sound like your dating experience?
💔 You’re anxiously waiting for him to text, and you’re not sure if he’s seeing other people.
❤️🩹 You’re hoping that if you’re patient, he’ll eventually commit to you.
💔 You find yourself in this wishy-washy place, doing all the things couples do without a defined “relationship”
💔 You try to be the “cool girl” to avoid seeming needy or like you care too much.
If any of these hit home, you might be in a situationship.
Situationships are a common experienece in modern dating where the lines between friendship, casual dating, and committed relationships blur. And if you’re here, there’s no shame, babe! It’s okay to be in this stage. Situationships can offer companionship, excitement, and even growth. But if you’re finding that it’s causing you more stress than joy, or you’re looking for commitment and security, this might be the nudge to look at what’s really happening.
What is a Situationship?
Let’s break it down. A situationship is essentially a relationship without clear labels, where there’s emotional or physical intimacy but no defined commitment. You’re not “just friends,” but you’re also not in a serious relationship. You might share time together, dates, and intimate moments, but the future is... vague.
This ambiguity can be comfortable at first, but over time, it often creates uncertainty and emotional exhaustion.
The Toll of Being in a Situationship
Many women feel excited and good with how things are at the start of a situationship—until it starts to feel like an emotional rollercoaster. Here’s why:
Emotional Uncertainty: Situationships rarely offer the emotional safety that a committed relationship provides. You may find yourself constantly questioning where things stand, feeling anxious over simple things like a missed text or an unconfirmed weekend plan.
Unclear Boundaries: You may not know if you’re the only one he’s seeing, leading to feelings of insecurity and anxiety. Relationships thrive when we feel secure, and situationships often lack this core foundation.
Lack of Fulfillment: Trying to act like the “cool girl” so you don’t seem needy often means burying your own needs. When we suppress what we want, we’re denying ourselves the opportunity to be truly fulfilled.
If you’re happy with where things are, more power to you! But if you’re feeling drained, unfulfilled, or anxious, it may be time to take a closer look at whether this situationship is really meeting your needs.
5 Steps to Move from a Situationship to a Relationship
If you’re ready to transition out of a situationship and into something more defined, here are five steps that can help you get there. Remember, it’s about honoring yourself and creating a foundation that aligns with your values and desires.
1) See the Situation More Clearly
Take a step back and look at your situationship for what it is, not what you hope it will become. Ask yourself:
Are you getting what you truly want?
Is this situationship causing more stress than joy?
Are you spending a lot of emotional energy trying to guess his feelings?
Sometimes, just gaining clarity on where things stand can be a huge eye-opener. When you’re honest with yourself, you can start moving from a place of self-awareness rather than wishful thinking.
2) Get Clear on What You Truly Desire
Do you want a committed, secure relationship? Or are you genuinely okay with the casual setup? It’s important to define your own standards and boundaries. Write down your ideal relationship qualities and the values that are important to you. This will give you a clearer sense of what you’re seeking and allow you to assess if your current situation aligns with your long-term goals.
3) Communicate & Open the Conversation
Communication is key when you’re in a situationship and feeling unsure. If you want clarity, it’s essential to start an open, honest conversation. This doesn’t mean issuing an ultimatum but rather expressing your feelings and asking for his perspective.
Some examples of conversation starters:
“I’ve been thinking about where we’re at, and I’d love to understand what this connection means to you.”
“I enjoy spending time with you and want to be on the same page moving forward.”
Opening the door to a real conversation allows both of you to express your needs and intentions. If he’s not ready to have a deeper talk or makes you feel like you’re asking for too much, it may be a sign to reflect on what’s best for you.
4) Make a Decision Based on His Response
Listen to his response and gauge how it aligns with what you’re seeking. Is he willing to move towards a committed relationship, or does he prefer to keep things casual? If you’re not on the same page, you’ll have a choice to make:
Continue in the situationship, knowing it may not turn into the relationship you want.
Step away to create space for someone who is ready for commitment.
It’s a tough decision, especially if you’ve grown attached, but knowing your worth means being able to walk away when a situation isn’t right for you.
5) Heal the Part of You That Settles for Situationships
Sometimes, the cycle of getting into situationships stems from a deeper pattern. Maybe there’s a part of you that believes casual relationships are safer, or perhaps you’re used to putting others’ needs before your own. By working on this, you can avoid repeating the cycle and create a relationship that offers stability, joy, and fulfillment.
This could look like:
Setting firmer boundaries around what you’re available for in dating.
Building self-trust and focusing on your self-worth.
Engaging in self-reflective practices to understand your attachment style or dating habits.
From Situationship to Committed Relationship
Situationships can be confusing and emotionally taxing, but they’re also a powerful learning experience. By moving through these steps, you’re creating space for a relationship that aligns with who you are and what you truly want.
If you’re ready to let go of casual, undefined dating and open up to a secure, meaningful relationship, know that it starts with making choices that honor yourself.
Are you feeling ready to step out of the situationship cycle? If so, I’d love to help you get there. Click here to learn more about my coaching program, Radiant Relationship Academy, and how it can support you in moving towards the committed relationship you deserve.
In a situationship, or unsure if your dating experience is meeting your needs? Take the time to pause, reflect, and prioritize yourself. Love starts with knowing your worth and choosing relationships that nurture your heart and soul.
