Masculine energy Analysis: It ends with us

I saw the {highly controversial} movie It Ends with Us and want to break down the dynamics of Ryle and Atlas.

PREFACE:

For this particular blog,, I won’t be taking a huge focus on DV for the purpose of the teaching I’d like to highlight today.

The intention is not to ignore the DV dynamics (as someone who has experienced DV, I stand with women who have experienced this or anything of the nature), but rather to go deeper into a specific dynamic I noticed while watching the movie.

Okay, let’s get into it.

We will start with Ryle. He pursued Lily right away — which is hot, right? We like a man who pursues.

But it was the way he pursued her that was the red flag right away.

🚩 Within minutes of meeting her, he straight up said he wanted to have sex with her.

Ew. This behavior is unacceptable. If I was Lily, alone on top of a building at night with a stranger and he said that, I would feel terrified. Men need to understand how to make a woman feel safe.

When a man takes the time to make a woman feel seen, cherished and understood before pursuing her sexually - this creates safety.

🚩 The night when Ryle, Lily, Alyssa (Ryle’s sister) and Marshall go out for the first time together and Ryle starts to walk Lily home — he wants to kiss her, which she is open to and he does. After that Lily wants to create some space so she says she will walk herself home. Ryle lets her walk home alone in a big city at night.

Again, a man who was truly interested in a woman’s safety would have made it clear that he was more interested in her getting home safely than needing to act on impulsive desires to make out with her.

🚩Ryle has past trauma that was never dealt with or faced, because of that he has low emotional capacity and maturity. This is what leads to being violent with the woman he loves. A true man will face his darkness, get the support he needs, and develop the deeper emotional intelligence to take self-responsibility.

Then we have Atlas —

This is a man who also has past trauma, but we can see that somewhere along the way, he chose to face it and not allow it to define him and his behavior.

We see this in the way he treats Lily.

✅ The first time Lily sees Atlas at the restaurant and they speak privately towards the bathrooms - He is really intentional with asking how she is and what she has been up to. This shows he is truly interested in her.

We don’t see this with Ryle — it’s more around sexual connection and pursuing her so that he has power over her.

✅ Atlas is a man who is truly interested in protecting her. When he notices signs that there is DV when he sees Lily and Ryle at the restaurant for the second time, he immediately is disturbed and enraged. This is how a man will feel when he knows a woman isn’t being treated right.

✅ The night Lily finally realizes Ryle’s behavior is unacceptable, she goes straight to Atlas. This is because she knows he is safe, will be non-judgmental and has her best interest at heart. Even in such a vulnerable state, she feels comfortable healing and recovering at his home.

✅ Atlas doesn’t push anything Lily isn’t ready for. When he drops her off, he says “If you find yourself ready for love again, come find me.”

This is a more appropriate way for a man to pursue a woman. Letting her know - I want you, if you want me to, I am here.

In summary ⬇️

Ryle and Altas demonstrate the difference between pursuing a woman to have power over her and get what he wants VS pursuing in a way that allows a woman to feel wanted AND safe.

❤️ For more on healthy masculine energy, listen to this podcast episode on Leah on Love.

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Questions to ask on the first date

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Dating after Divorce, Spotting Red Flags, and No More Settling with RRA Graduate, Meg Gill